After a long sojourn away from this blog it’s time to start this New Year off as I hope to continue, with a rekindling of my passion for words. Indulge me, dear reader, with some rumination on the year that was……
I know of many people who had a challenging 2016, not the least reflected in the loss of many famous people who were key figures in my formative years. The deaths of Alan Rickman and Carrie Fisher were particularly devastating.
I loved Alan Rickman; I loved his voice and his prodigious talent. I loved that he could play light and dark with equal ease. He was my perfect ghost in Truly Madly Deeply, my delightful villain in Robin Hood. Who can forget the immortal line: “Locksley, I’m going to cut your heart out with a spoon”
And his penultimate role as Severus Snape – complex, profound, driven by obsessive love. The world of creative arts is a sadder place for his loss.
Likewise, Princess Leia who was my childhood hero – a strong, feisty, brave woman who fought for the greater good over and over again. I guess all those drugs eventually took their toll.
Celebrity deaths aside, last week I read an article about numerology, which stated that 2016 was a “9 year” representing endings with 2017, being a “1 year”, representing new beginnings.
I wonder if you were one of the ones who felt that vibe like I did. Mind you, I am not being naïve; I recognise the power of suggestion to influence our thoughts. This information did add to my reflections on the year that was, as is my wont at this time of year.
What stood out for me this past 12 months is that for many years, I had worked bloody hard to make life easy for just about everyone else but me. I put a lot of time and effort into those I love, which believe me when I say this, was truly no burden. It certainly can result in putting yourself last on most occasions.
This stems from some lifelong habits, for many and varied reasons which if you buy me a nice glass of red, I’d be happy to explore further with you! Suffice to say, a major life event that happened 25 years ago this week, created a series of years when the focus on doing for others became all encompassing; at times, life threatening and sometimes soul crushing. Oh yes there were periods of great joy as well. There was purpose and meaning and direction. The lack of self focus was all from within and not forced upon me. I simply forgot who I was in all of the busyness.
What happens when you put all others’ needs above yours? You run out of steam that’s what happens. You become overwhelmed and burnt out and completely empty. You fail to do the greatest thing any human being can do, be of service to others, when your tanks are dry.
Therefore 2016, splendid year of endings that it was, became my first foray into creating a life that is truly multi-faceted, like an imperfect diamond, with layers of different and diverse experiences, forming a glittering new modus operandi. I started the fascinating journey of crafting a life I love, built on the foundations of the past.
And this amazing thing happened. My tanks became full again. I jumped head first into the flow of life and the right people crossed my path at exactly the right moment (like my incredible circle of friends who know just when to call me or my soul sister from Boston who spent 8 glorious days here with me). I had reserves of empathy and energy that I couldn’t wait to share with others.
I have also become impatient for the universe to send me some indication of the next road less travelled. I’m trying to cultivate patience but I wish it would hurry the fuck up…..
So welcome 2017 – I embrace you with joy and confidence. Let’s do this!!