The swings and roundabouts of this art of transition are bothersome.
I have spoken before of the power of the universe to send the right people to you at the right time when you’re on the path. My friend Kym described it as feeling like you’re an arrow completely on target to hit that bullseye.
What happens when you’re off track?
The synchronicity of life alludes you and no matter how you chase it, it will continue to duck and weave past you until you sit quietly and listen.
Sitting still with your thoughts and feelings is supposed to help. What is your heart trying to tell you? The concept that your inner voice will speak to you is appealing.
What happens when you do this and the voice stays resolutely and annoyingly quiet!!
I’ve been reading a little about this whole transition thing and, upon reflection, I realise that I have done this many times before in different guises. The changes that happen when you leave home for the first time; when you fall in love; if you lose that love; that moment when you first gaze into your baby’s eyes; your first trip overseas, especially solo; when you see your parents getting older before your eyes.
All of these things that make up this life we lead – they all contribute to the evolution and all of us can relate. Each time it has felt rather overwhelming and for some reason, it feels even more bewildering this time around, compounded as it is by the knowledge that you have simply no fucking idea what you should be doing and there feels like less time to be doing it in.
I am surrounded by people in a similar situation at the moment, a fact which provides a modicum of comfort. You don’t feel quite so alone when you know there are others in the same boat.
I always say to my kids, if you don’t know what to do, don’t do anything. In my heart I know that this is a valid and appropriate response. It’s worked for me before and I have seen it work for others too. It’s one thing to say those things to others and a completely different kettle of fish when you have to apply it to yourself!
Yes, I know, tell yourself the same things you would say to a friend in the same situation. Listen to the advice of others and you might be able to hang your hat on something they say to you. Read something that resonates with you. Do something that you enjoy doing.
Blah blah blah……….
I know all the theory; I’ve read so many of the books, listened to the meditation tapes, called upon many of my long suffering, emphatically supportive friends, focused on the positive, felt the gratitude, done all the right things.
Change is hard.
It’s lonely too. Only you can make the changes, only you have the answers. In the end, you are the one who has to make the decisions and roll with the outcomes for better or worse.
Sometimes, a lot of the time, nothing makes any sense.
So I write.
I write so that I don’t feel so alone in this transition stage of life.
I write these ramblings in the hope that something will resonate with someone and perhaps they will have some advice or thoughts that may help me.
I write because in baring my own soul, I just might inspire someone else and maybe they will share something they have done to help themselves; some bright spark of encouragement that may help the rest of us on this rocky road.
I write because that seems to be the only thing that does make sense to me at this time.
I write so that in the act of writing, I may find some answers myself.
And eventually I feel the fear and do it anyway.
(c) Adrian Bell